The deterioration of my voice is really getting to me like seriously. I went from being able to sing in any octave I wanted from mezzo-soprano to bass, and now I’m subject to my like one octave bass tone. Its horrible like seriously I wish I could go back 2 years ago and sing as much as possible and enjoy every second of it. Because in the current state my voice is in I want to just cry.
For someone who loves music as much as I do and loves to sing, the worst thing possible is to lose your voice and become limited in what you can do, and because my voice is so bad now it makes me question everything I do and I honestly think its the reason for my depression. I mean yes I have been dealing with this for like 2 years now, but now that I don’t have the distraction from my friends everyday like I did back in high school it just leaves me time to think all day, about what I should have or could have done back in high school. This whole growing older thing is not fun; I hope I just stop getting older at 21.
It seems as thou I’m counting down the days until I move to LA (which I literally am, now i'm down to 109 days). I'm hoping that when I do move to LA that’s when my life will truly begin, I'm hoping that’s when ill find my true purpose in life because right now thou I am focused on one goal, I really don’t know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Do I want to be the Creative Director of GQ or do I want to start my own fashion empire from the ground up, or do I want to put everything I have into music and become the next big thing or do I want to cut out all the creativity and become the CEO of some lame company or do I want to go the boring route and be a high school history teacher.
I never really know, but my main focus right now is the whole GQ thing, that’s why I'm going to FIDM. When I really actually sincerely think about it, I think my best bet is to be the creative director of GQ. Seeing as I don’t think I'm talented enough to design on my own, I cant sing well enough to get a record deal, and I have WAY to much personality to become a boring old' highscool teacher.
Why is life full of so many questions and why do I have to answer each one, Ugh! Seriously my life seems to be just spinning around in circles, and never seems to stop to take a break. Like literally, there is not one moment where my head is just completely silent, it’s always talking about something, NEVER just silent.
I’m sure you guys are wondering where in the world this blog is going, but that’s just the thing, its not going anywhere. This post is just myself rambling on about nothing. Why do I have to be the dumb teenager who has no clue about life and the things around it?
I pretend everyday when I'm around people that I'm this strong, confident, cold hearted bitch, that doesn’t care what anybody thinks and to an extent that’s true, but mostly I'm as confused as the rest of us. I think people see me as this funny and confident guy, but really what’s so funny about me, nothing. I just say things to get a reaction out of people. Why am I so afraid to let people see the real me, why am I so afraid to show people my imperfections.
It seems as thou I always have to present myself in a light to where I have no flaws and I don’t do things like fart or spit (well I don’t spit, but at home with my family we fart ALL the time, but we just laugh it off). I think that I don’t want to be seen in a non-perfect light because I don’t want to be judged, if anyone is going to be doing the judging its me not you.
Sincerely your resident psychopath, JBvanilla!
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